One Door (Slipping Away)
This is for anyone interested in the healing energies of:
music,
songs,
and the stories they convey.
In my own healing and powerful rebirth, this song proves:
uplifting realisations of light from dark,
in the darkness we see the stars,
when we imagine we are alone, we are actually being looked after by angels.
One Door (Slipping Away) is the second fully produced song of many I've written since my partner Liane Ashberry's suicide in 2015, whose story is told briefly at RudeAngel.co.uk.
It's also an opportunity for me to begin to thank and acknowledge the brilliance of Rick Willson, Daryl Kirkland and many others, who saved me from following Liane.
One Door (Slipping Away) is song number 9 at https://alanchapman.com/music
The song is an tiny example of Rick Willson’s masterful production and musicianship.
Rick Willson kept this song alive for many years when (aside from my rough Coalville Session version in 2021) I believed it should be forgotten.
I believed that I should be forgotten. I believed that I had no right to live any more.
This was the reality I made for myself. My reality became that I was bound and destined to follow Liane.
Nobody else made my reality of self-loathing and self-destruction.
I made this reality for myself.
One Door (Slipping Away) was among the first songs that I was able to write in the early years after Liane’s suicide in 2015.
The words are very much about my life with Liane, and my life and my processing of my grief shortly after her death, which continues today, although happily now as mostly wonderful fearless strength and resilient power
We are each changed by grief, and grief is not just when a loved one dies.
Grief is a loss of anything we believe is a vital part of our life.
We each choose, depending on our situation, how to react to our griefs - because life is a series of griefs of one sort or another.
We each choose whether to turn our grief into our growth or our prison.
Emotional growth for each of us can be very painful - mentally, physically and spiritually.
This growth, or our resistance to it - a denial, is connected with our:
unresolved past traumas,
addictions and habits - ‘rituals’
conditioning, parenting and upbringing, and beliefs about ourselves,
ancestral genetics,
nutrition, exercise, sleep, lifestyle, nature, sunshine, technology, etc.,
and our chance to let go of who we believed we were, and who we believed we wanted to become.
We can learn how ‘dose’ or regulate how much, and how quickly, to process our griefs and other traumas in life. It’s a new skill for us to learn when and if we want. A sort of experimenting with our own soul, and our relationship with our mortality.
I’m sure that when Liane killed herself - which was then the blackest darkest most unimaginably horrific experience of life - was when my soul – in my music and my life – was reborn and I became properly alive - amidst the carnage - including surviving my own suicide attempt in Autumn 2015 - I began to find a voice of my own.
This is my song and my voice, and my thanks to my friends and family for saving me from myself, and from following Liane.
They are Angels on Earth.
Angels walk among us.
And we are all Angels on Earth too, when we come to realise it.
Infinite Gratitude and Love,
Alan
Thank you for sharing that, it is very moving. And thank you do for the recent links re UK law on Steve Kirsch's site (I am in Sussex). As regards angels perhaps this might be of interest.
https://alphaandomegacloud.wordpress.com/2022/05/21/a-is-for-angels-2/
Finding a creative way to express traumatic experience is probably the best way of externalising and understanding of 'the event'. Well done Alan. Whatever it is, make it beautiful.